I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
