There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
