dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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