I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
