we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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