A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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