Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
