I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
