like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
