If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
