Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
