whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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