Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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