He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
