I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
