I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
