The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
