She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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