If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
