I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
