Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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