but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
