I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
