Who wears a wallet chain?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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