my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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