It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
