i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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