i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
