She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
