Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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