If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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