Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
