If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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