I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
