How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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