You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
