so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
