On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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