Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
