Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
