His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
