Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
