So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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