Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
