yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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