Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
