He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
thus making me awesome and them whores
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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