I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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