Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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