Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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