I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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