I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
